would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
