if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just forgot I was standing up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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