Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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