Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
