none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
