as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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