Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
