Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
