Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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