My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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