New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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