Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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