oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
