I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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