Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
