I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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