Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
