I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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