trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
