how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
