please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
