hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
