I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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