We won't sleep together?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
