Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
