I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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