she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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