So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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