does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this will be a night to untag.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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