3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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