sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
