Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
