Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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