no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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