i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
