I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
