I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I smell stomach acid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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