"it" just moved
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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