My room smells like vodka and shame
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
