whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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