one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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