Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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