I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
