I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
