I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
