You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
