If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
