Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
