wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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