The police scanner is talking about you again....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
