I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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