I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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