things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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