theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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