Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
