all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They took my balls.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
