How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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