i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
