if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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