I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My ass is underappreciated
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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