shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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