forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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