I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
