if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
