she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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