Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
