She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
