just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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