Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
