he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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