I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
