my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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