At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
