i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
